Relationship Health Checklist
Relationship Health Checklist
Find something meaningful…
(re)Discover the magic…
Have you ever thought that as cynical as the world might be about relationships, divorces rates, swipes left, the inevitable doomed compromise of a long term relationship… or the sanctity of a union where love is a secondary concern… might be crowding out something truly remarkable? If so, you are in the right place…
Who is this for?
Anyone who would feel envious of an old couple in their 90s who behave like teenagers with each other. That is, that somehow they have retained the magical connection they had between each other when they first met. They truly delight in each other.
But surely that is very rare?
Indeed it is, but it need not be if we know what to look for.
Can this happen with my current partner?
It depends on both of you, but almost certainly if you have felt it at the start of your relationship.
What is the secret?
There is no list, no correct set of attributes a person has. The only requirement is that two people know that the deepest part of themselves are yearning for the magic. Something that if touched on both sides becomes its own unstoppable force between them.
Surely this is Disney stuff, unrealistic and doomed to failure?
Everything has its life cycle. This is not about finding ‘the one’. It is about finding ‘the connection’. It is about nuturing that connection and delighting in the fruits of secret place you both build together.
But what about this, the magic you talk about inevitably fades…
Captain Corelli’s Mandolin by Louis de Bernieres “Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your root was so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.”
I find this idea to be intrinsically false. Love does not have to be a ‘temporary madness’ that inevitably fades. It can be an incredible, magical force that grows, evolves and have a life of its own. It can be more powerful as time moves on. The second half of the quote is framed for what the couple would lose rather that what they would gain. To frame the decision to stay together by the cost of departure misses what I believe relationships really are: ‘I choose you’ moment by moment. ‘I choose you’ because I want you, I delight in you. There is always an exit, even with official commitments, there is always an exit. It is the constant choice that makes the relationship what it is and that is a beautiful thing. It is the force of attraction, not the fear of loss than binds the magical relationships.
What I do
I help people find their person. That is, to allow the belief that someone can really touch the deepest part of themselves and vice versa, thrive. The journey might not be what you expect. As much as you might want to just make it happen, you have to do two contradictory things: to really know what you are looking for and to not look for it or expect it. I like to call this disLovery because it is simultaneously silly and profound. In my view everyone should have a big smile on their face when confronting something so important.
Are you interested in how I can help you?
Relationship Health Checklist
CONTACT
cupido.advocate@tatealexander.com
